I have never been a “skinny girl,” but for a long time I was okay with that. I loved my curves and thought a size 9 suited me just fine until I began dating my ex. In the beginning it was great going out all the time…to eat. I had gained a few pounds and he definitely let me know it. “You used to look so great” and “you are the biggest girl I’ve ever dated” were only a few of the comments heard regularly. In the beginning, I was able to laugh it off because I didn’t see an issue…but in my mind the comments began to pick at my self esteem and definitely my confidence. I began thinking I was not attractive and that I had to be with him – who else would like me? Maybe that was his goal. I began to seclude myself from friends and family and he was suddenly my everything. During the two year relationship I gained nearly 30 pounds and began suffering from depression.
Luckily, I have an amazing group of close friends and a mother and sister who definitely understand what it is like to deal with losing yourself. They started by telling me that they could see I was unhappy and would tell me how much they missed spending time with me. They would also let me know how important I was to them and encouraged me to look at my relationship in a different way. I began to see how I was living and it made me sad that I could have changed so much from the confident, happy girl I was into a person who doubted everything about themselves. The relationship was going downhill and I began to realize I was not the one with the problem; I was letting him determine who I was and I just couldn’t do that anymore. I realized that people who truly care for you pick you up when you’re down and love you even when you don’t love yourself. I began thinking back on all the positive parts of my life and knew I didn’t deserve to live my life hating and doubting myself. The relationship ended and it was probably one of the best things that ever happened.
I am still in the process of rebuilding my self esteem and dealing with the issues, but I know now that I am more than what the scale says, more than the negative words of a jealous man. I am a beautiful and talented woman who has done and will do great things.
Confidence comes from the memory of success. Don’t let anyone make you forget that.Next Story: Missi